Our relationship with time is everything.
We can’t control time, it doesn’t stop.
We can only accept time.
Time is the demon that erodes away our dreams, our health and our loved ones.
Ultimately, time will wipe you and me off the earth in an unrelenting calm plod of a single unassuming second. At the start of that second, you were existing, and by the end, you weren’t.
Time is also the gift we can use to learn any skill, to recover from trauma, it makes our investments compound and it makes our relationships so rich. Friendship is mostly the act of witnessing each other’s lives and being along for the ride.
Anything we want in life requires time.
Time is the medium in which we exist
A fish doesn’t know it’s in water, but that is where it does everything.
We use time to work, to see friends, to exercise, to write, to learn an instrument and to make love.
We are in time, just like we are in air.
We breathe air to stay alive and exist.
We need time to exist.
Be nice to time
So any frustrations with time are not time’s fault.
It’s our fault.
Time does the same thing day in and day out, moment by moment. It just happens. We can’t make time behave differently. It is up to us to behave differently.
Anything we want to achieve is possible if we use time correctly. Accept that the only reason we don’t see the results we want, is that we aren’t doing the right work.
Be humbly aware of our weaknesses and find ways to complement them to amplify our strengths.
Use each day as the opportunity it is, to push ourselves in the right direction.
To make the healthy choice towards our dreams whilst being in the moment and enjoying the abilities we have.
Are you friends with time?
On your birthday, are you:
Sad and mopey —> Not friends with time
Happy and excited —> Friends with time
When asked what you’ve been up to lately, do you:
Start by saying how busy you are —> Not friends with time
Smile and talk about the things you’ve been grateful for —> Friends with time
When you think about priorities such as friends, health and big life goals, are you:
Anxious, you want to do more but don’t know how to fit it in —> Not friends with time
Content, time is used on all of these —> Friends with time
It may sound privileged to swan about doing the things we enjoy most. Yet it is foolish to think that it is money that gives you the freedom to do important things.
I know very happy people with little money but a great relationship with time.
I also know very stressed people with lots of money and a terrible relationship with time.
It’s down to the person not the circumstances
I’m sure you know rich people who don’t like their birthdays, are overwhelmingly busy and don’t fit the important richnesses of life into their scarce time allocation.
Being friends with time is a massive privilege, but it is a state of mind you are completely capable of acquiring. Acknowledging that it is a privileged position one should attain is a good place to start.
When I think of the people that are quietly content about their use of time, I am pushed more towards the zen lifestyle.
Stop and do nothing
I don’t have the space to write a manual on how to use time better, but one thing that hit me.
When I travelled Asia for a year I met thousands of people, but 3 people who stood out from the crowds. They had an aura of calm and contented peace that I gravitated towards.
It turns out every single one of these people had taken a 10-day silent meditation retreat (Vipassana).
By the third person, I finally gave in and accepted that I needed to go and spend 10 days sitting still and doing nothing.
I didn’t understand why not talking to anyone for 10 days would do much good, but I realised the concept scared me and I’ve always been rewarded by facing fears.
It was one of the most memorable and life-changing experiences of my life.
Sure, it didn’t completely cure me of my busyness or existential dread of dying having not done all the cool ideas I have.
However, it refocused me on what I actually want to do and who I want to be whilst doing it.
It made me a hell of a lot calmer and more accepting of everything.
It also gave me a lot of hope.
Happiness is logical
There is always a logical way to not let your emotions get in the way of your day.
Anger is a choice you genuinely don’t need to make.
The same with the things you want to do. Everything is a choice that you have the autonomy to do or not.
If you consistently fail at something there is a logical way you can succeed.
The answer might be in a self-help productivity book, or it might just be changing your environment, or simply getting someone to help you.
Your enemy’s enemy is your friend
Your enemy is what you want to do.
Time is the enemy of what you want to do.
Therefore time is the enemy of your enemy.
So you need to work with time against your enemy of all those things you want to do.
Seeking answers
I’m not here to give you the answers today, except let you know that they exist.
Time is a brilliant gift, but it is limited. So we must keep ourselves aware of how we use it and keep improving on our attempts.
Meditating and sitting around doing nothing for ten minutes or an hour seems like a waste of time.
It is actually one of the best uses of time, to sit and collect ourselves naturally gives us space to be more intentional with the rest of our time.
There is a saying:
If you don’t have ten minutes to meditate, you need two hours
Basically, it means that you need to spend time learning how to spend time. (no one ever tells it to us that way.)
If you find yourself frustrated about your relationship with time.
Slow down.
It is one of the best things you can do.
"Time isn't the enemy" and "Spend time learning how to spend time" - really helps me feel like I'm in the driver's seat. Also reminded me of that quote, "An unexamined life is not worth living". Thanks, Sam!