We are always told to be more grateful. It is one of the secrets to breezing through life with an impenetrable armour of zen happiness.
One of the issues with gratitude is is very elusive and momentary. We are easily lose it dealing with endless problems that pop up and whisk us out of savouring each single moment. Human nature is to focus on problems (hence we get the energy to fix them). The flaw is that this leaves us underwhelmed with our current situation and thus lacking in gratitude for it.
When we reach a situation we are looking forward to, we still fail to accept or even realise that this might just be the dream.
Give me examples
Gardens
My dad has been getting frustrated lately.
He’s been tending his lawn for years. Recently there has been an infestation of moles.
He clears the mole-hills created on the lawn and then goes for a walk. By the time he returns there are more molehills. Talk about annoying.
This is only a problem that comes with having a lovely garden.
Adventure
I’m going to the arctic on Saturday. There is a LOT of gear I don’t have that is very expensive. I need to have it so I don’t die. I don’t want to die or buy lots of gear. Frustrating.
This is a problem that comes with pursuing your dreams of going to the arctic.
Jobs
I have a friend who is obsessed with gaming and the blockchain. He has a dream job working at a VC with a gaming and blockchain focussed fund. He gets to geek out talking to the pioneers at the edge of the field he is most interested in and funding their growth.
He has been getting a never-ending number of emails along the line of “I’m adding blockchain to my business, give me money”. It is the bane of his life.
This is a problem that comes with an awesome job throwing money at innovative startups.
Podcast
My podcast is pretty successful. With that comes an endless barrage of emails from people not worth talking to, telling me to talk to them. Highly frustrating.
This is a problem that comes with having a podcast big enough that people actively want to be on it.
Cry me a river
The recurring theme here is that a lot of things which are great achievements come with problems. Whatever our dreams are, they are going to come with their associated set of annoyances.
Neatly summarised by the saying - “If you want a pony, you have to shovel shit.”
But really there was nothing to complain about
Writing the examples above with full context makes it pretty obvious that these people have nothing to complain about. I took the time to zoom out of the moment and look at what was there to be appreciated. However, in the day to day mundanity of living your life, you get used to your success but the problems are there and your mind lets you get annoyed.
My dad’s had his garden for 30 years, he doesn’t wake up and laugh with joy when he looks out at his window, he curses moles.
My podcast has been pretty big for 4 years, it’s just another day running a podcast.
Our goal is to be a zen-like happy idiot remember. However, it isn’t natural to always zoom out to a bird-eye view to add the context to every moment of our life to keep ourselves grounded. We need different mental models to help us. We need a way to stay grateful for the success we are used to, even if it happened ages ago. How?
Break into the moment
Firstly, accept that whatever we do will have negative sides. This is a fact of the nature of life and existing. It will only stop when you die.
This isn’t depressing and cause to just give up now. It is important to accept this and stop pretending that there are any fairytale situations in your head that will be anything like a fairytale when they happen. Then you can start to work with reality and bend it to your advantage.
List the problems you want
When you have big ideas for your future dreams, there WILL be bad sides to them. So think about the bad sides and what they will be. Add those bad things into the picture of that dream you’re looking forward to.
You could genuinely make a list of the problems you want to have.
Then when these problems arrive in your life it’s a very different experience. Instead of being so annoyed at these dumb problems which arise. You get to think about how awesome you are.
Damn you are now so much of a baller that you finally have this problem.
—
Instead of thinking, “I can’t wait to have a podcast with a million downloads.”
You should also include:
“I can’t wait to have a podcast where my email gets ruined by a barrage of people chasing me trying to be on my show.”
Then when it happens, it feels like a total flex. (treating myself to a happy dance)
—
Instead of,
“I can’t wait to find that awesome someone that completes me to share my life with.”
You should also include.
“I can’t wait to share my life with a human who has flaws I have to deal with.”
So when it happens you can be like. Damn, I’m so lucky that I’m the one who they’ve chosen to dump all their shit on. God, I really am so fucking special. Go me.
Unlock your happy zen
Now, instead of losing our gratitude, we get to see the positive side of our current reality. We can savour the whole experience and the beauty within the moment. We can wear our complaints as a badge of success and be truly grateful for our situation.
Aiming for a goal but having small niggles knocking us out of the moment and ruining our gratitude is just mean to ourselves. The opposite is possible (with some planning). The annoying events can centres us in the moment of how lucky we are.
We can genuinely be that weird happy zen idiot books harp on about.
Modern zen
There are levels to zen-mastery. I think modern-day enlightenment could be classed as the point where instead of cursing dodgy wifi you’re reminded how amazing it is to live in an age where you can easily stream information between devices all over the world. If you reach that, you could probably write a book about how to never be phased by anything.
You don’t need to reach that level don’t worry. The general idea is to find ways to nudge your reactive emotions towards happiness instead of anger, irritation or disappointment. It’s a journey and any small improvement is an important step.
Conclusion
Whatever’s coming up for you in your life. I hope you enjoy the moments that leave you feeling hot and bothered for what they are.
😉